I just got home from the very last party of my not-a-single-fuck-given life, THE party I’ve been looking forward to for months. It was meant to be legendary, something I would always remember with a smile on my face. Instead, I will remember this day, 28th January 2015, as the day I completely lost hope in humanity.

Everything started so innocent. I queued very patiently in over 2km long line (repeating to myself „aaah, the things we do for love“) to see my until-everything-went-wrong future wife Jessie J. Yeah, of course I know she was never going to be my wife nor do I want to be anyone’s wife (anymore haha) but I’m just this big/completely crazy/obsessed fan of hers.

She came on stage, I nearly came to my pants, I danced, I was enjoying myself not thinking about what’s my life going to be like when that two hour long show is over. She was just stunning, I mean her lyrics, her attitude, her body… hard to resist, right?

But suddenly, I saw three girls waving with their flashing phones. For a second I thought they just wanted to let their friend know where they were standing. It’s pretty easy to get lost in a crowd of 5000 people, so it was understandable. But then I looked properly and I saw a big circle around them and someone on the floor. No one gave a single fuck about what was happening, everyone was just standing there, staring at that poor body and very few of them tried to use their phone as a flare.

I was standing about 10 metres from them closer to the exit door and even though I was enjoying the concert a lot, I didn’t hesitate for a second and started running to get some help. The place was seriously crowded and people weren’t exactly happy to let me go anywhere even though I told them I needed to get help. I finally managed to find someone but still, there was a big challenge of getting through the mass of people back to square one. That happened to be even more difficult, especially for a 6.1 foot tall girl because no one wants a giraffe-height person standing in their view
By the time we got back, the circle around the guy was twice as big and I saw Jessie looking in that direction a few times, expecting her to stop singing or at least ask for the lights to be switched back on. Nope, none of that happened. Luckily, the guy on the floor was fine in the end, he fainted, we gave him some water, talked to him and then helped him out of the crowd.

But come on, look around you. What do you see? It’s hard to believe that someone who writes songs like she does, didn’t do anything. I guess it’d have ruined her schedule. And that’s what this fucked up world is all about. You gotta keep on top of your schedule, otherwise everything else goes wrong. The butterfly effect, right? I say bullshit! I think life is much more enjoyable without a set plan, because if something doesn’t work out the way it’s supposed to, you don’t feel dissapointed or let down, you learn to improvise, enjoy the moments of insecurity.

Seriously, I think people don’t have time to enjoy themselves anymore. They don’t live their life, they just try to survive. But nah, I don’t want to be like them. After that incident, I returned to the crowd, I looked at Jessie, the tears started to come down my face and while my favourite song „Who you are“ was on, I whispered „Good bye Jessie“ and left. I haven’t felt so empty for a long time.

I seriously don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I can’t wait to get out of here and meet people with the same ideas, people who appreciate each other, who can smile at each other for no particular reason but only because they are simply happy.


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